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Daft packaging

A Gift Selection room freshener label with the completely wrong title on (draw fresheners)

Gift Selection drawer freshener packet label

According to these instructions, the Gift Selection seem to believe that one typically has their drawers built into their radiators, or has drawers constructed from such improbable materials as ceramic tiles and glass.

By the way, I am glad that I have now got around to scanning this in: it absolutely stinks of fragrance and I just want the smell in my room to go away.

Hula Hoops packet showing the three hundredth boring game you can play with a packet of Hula Hoops: guess the number of hoops in the packet

Hula Hoops package game

I am not sure who is more sad here: Hula Hoops for such a stupid game, or me for actually scanning the packet into the computer? And are there seriously 299 other games like this? And who was bored enough to sit and think them all up? (and no, I do not want their autograph)

Besides, what do you do with all the broken pieces found in every packet? Anyone bring a protractor with them? (I bet Katherine has…)

Walkers ready salted crisps packet suggesting that there might be a free car inside

Free cars in Walkers crisps packets

Those of you who saw the tremendous Road Runner episode with Wile E Coyote and the ACME dehydrated rocks, might be expecting to open the packet, remove the free car, add water, and watch as their hand gets pinned to the ground by half a ton of plastic and metal.

Even expecting a toy car would be far-fetched, although that would present an easier challenge to win than iTunes special Pepsi bottles – just pick up a bunch of packets until you find one that is extra-heavy, and there you have it. Not that you wanted to win a toy car, though.

The answer to the question is, of course, “No”; what did you think? Stupid question.

Walkers MAX packet stating that the large crisp portrayed onthe front of the packet is 'not actual size'

Walkers MAX crisps are crisp-sized

Look closely at the writing at the bottom-left of the packet… it leaves one to wonder who would ever expect to find a crisp the size of the packet inside? Or what sort of mentality a person would have have who, on opening the packet after actually believing it, would then sue Walkers instead of thinking “well, I’m a silly billy”? Maybe people really started believing that they could find free cars inside crisp packets – you never know…

Dr Pepper cans now claim that they solve all your problems. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Dr Pepper solves all your problems

According to the message on the can, at least. Suggesting to people that there might be a free car inside the packet is one thing. Claiming that the enormous crisp on the front of the packet is “not actual size” is inane but understandable. But claiming that your product solves all of a person’s problems? It’s not only retarded but simply illegal.

Adding to that the claim that they can transmit molecules of Dr Pepper into your monitor [PepperMe.com], I am getting the impression that it is not Dr Pepper that they drink at Dr Pepper, but something significantly more potent and psychaedelic.