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My desk is possessed

Telephones do not work on my desk. I am not joking.

A while ago, maybe a month or two or so, I began having problems with the telephone on my desk at work. I would take calls and mid-way through the conversation the caller would suddenly no longer be able to hear me.

Hello? You there? Can you hear me? Can you hear me?


Turns out my voice was very faint and I could only be heard if I raised my voice significantly. Or I would pick up a call and while I could hear the caller, they could not hear me. Obviously, this is not acceptable. We had a temp who one morning took my phone away, so I used that opportunity to grab a spare phone from another desk to use instead. She was using my phone still plugged into my socket, so I attached the new handset to a different socket, using a different Cat 5 socket adapter and extension number. She never had problems with her phone. My new phone persisted to demonstrate the same problems as before.

I handed my phone to the accountant (who has far less use for a phone and generally phones out instead of takes calls), and took a second spare phone and attached it using a third Cat 5 socket adapter to a third wall socket this time by far to the other side of my desk. She has never had problems with her phone. The new phone I connected up has the same problems as before.

I complained to my manager again who had a play around in the comms cupboard and adjusted some of the wires, which were a bit problematic anyhow. To no effect.

With the third handset, I was using a secondary socket adapter instead of a master (and apparently master adapters work better with analogue lines), so I took a spare master adapter (or at least that is what we’re assuming it is) from his desk and swapped them over. The problem persists.

So let’s recap: I have tried three handsets, four socket adapters, at least two extension numbers and three wall sockets and Tim has used various patch cables in the comms cupboard. Every phone removed from my desk continues to work correctly for its new owner and every new phone I connect up is broken. So I can only conclude that my desk is possessed and that my computer should play the Exorcist theme when I log in.